Why I’m Still a Butch Lesbian


First thing first: I HATE THIS BLOG POST.

Now that that is out of the way, I’ll explain why….

1. She is speaking over a community she doesn’t understand.

The first piece of evidence is in her us of the word “cisgendered.” I automatically can’t take her seriously. I do my best not to spend too much time in my academic ivory tower, and I do feel a tinge of pretension at having to call this linguistic issue out…but, in the same breath, I’m not sure it is too much to ask that a person be well-read on a subject matter that they are taking such a stark stand against. (Also, she drops a “genderqueers” in there and that is a big No No.) All that aside, the author of this post makes it painfully clear that she does not have a good understanding of nonbinary/genderqueer identities and how these terms operate for the people who use them when she repeatedly conflates masculinity/femininity and gender roles/stereotypes with the use of these identifiers. There are AFAB people who identify as both masculine and female. There are AFAB people who identify as NB/GQ and masculine. There are also plenty of AFAB people who identify as NB/GQ and feminine. Or a mix of both. Or neither. It is far too simplistic to infer that masculine women just stop being women because they are also masculine. Actually, it doesn’t even make sense. Also, there are plenty of AMAB people who are male and effeminate and then those who identify as trans feminine. NB/GQ identities have nothing to do with stereotypes surrounding masculinity and femininity. Or gender roles. When a cis woman to declares that her favorite hobby is weightlifting, she doesn’t know how to cook, and she has no desire to carry a child she is not forced out of her cisness or her relationship with womanhood. She is merely breaking some silly stereotypes constructed around what it means to be a “good” woman. However, if she wakes up one day and says to herself, “Self…I’m not convinced the gender binary is for me anymore,” well, then….WELCOME TO THE CLUB! I would also like to note that this in no way precludes this person from identifying with womanhood (**cough cough** like me **cough cough**). There are a lot of challenges facing cis women and even more facing trans women. Finding yourself more comfortable with a NB/GQ doesn’t mean you have to remove yourself from a sisterhood if you still find that it speaks for you. I also find that this line of thinking only furthers gender policing in all of its many forms….which in this case just calls to mind the cis gatekeeping of the trans community. The worst part of her argument are the essentialist terms she uses to defend her evidence. It’s toxic to rely on these ideas and only skews your own perception of people around you. She simultaneously claims that essential “woman” stereotypes don’t fit her, while suggesting that masculine women are going to be gay. STOP ASSERTING THAT THERE IS ANY RIGHT OR WRONG WAY TO BE ANY ONE THING. STOP IT.

2. She is waiting for someone else to do the hard part.

"Perhaps one day the gender binary will be dismantled totally, and we’ll all stop limiting our children by bringing them up as either males or females." 

Yup. Yeah. This is great. Want to know how we can get started on that? Stop writing essentialist bullshit blog posts about how you are ACTIVELY REJECTING A NONBINARY IDENTITY. If you truly believe in a future without the gender binary…you should maybe not talk to people about how important you think it it is. Maybe…just maybe….if nonbinary and genderqueer children had, I dunno…nonbinary and genderqueer people to look up to they could grow up with less depression and more self esteem. Maybe they could rip apart the binary for you. But, no…let’s spend more time focusing on the cisgender experience. Here is this wacky notion I have…cisgender kids could maybe find themselves looking up to trans people? Yeah? Yeah. They definitely could. What is this separate but equal role model nonsense?

3. She is perpetuating the myth that trans/nb/gq visibility can be reduced to a “trend.”

Trans and nonbinary identities are nothing if not ancient. Anytime I hear a person (accidentally, or otherwise) glorify the gender binary, my first thought is, “You’re a racist with a limited understanding of Western white supremacy.” Nonbinary identities are not new. Allow me to reiterate: NONBINARY IDENTITIES ARE NOT NEW. The relationship we (white people, as I am white), in 2014 living in the USA, have with gender is not indicative of what gender looked like prior to our arrival here. The binary is not what gender looked like in the nations of the people we enslaved, either. Transgender and nonbinary people have always been and will always be. Please don’t claim that you are “square” for choosing not to co opt something you have no intention of respecting. Please don’t encourage cis people to view trans identities as a trendy phase that has an end. Please don’t invalidate people’s lives. 

I have to admit that I have walked this line myself. When I first started to look inward and realize the possibility that there was more to my relationship with my gender than the binary could offer me, I struggled a lot. I would ask myself, “What’s so wrong with being both masculine and female?” or “Am I turning my back on my female community?” I’m not mad at myself for asking these questions. It was a part of my process. And asking myself these questions helped me learn that genderqueer and womanhood don’t have to be mutually exclusive. As masculine as I am, I am interpreted as a cis female when I leave the house. That’s a part of my experience that I can not remove myself from. It is my reality and discussing it/fighting against it/identifying with it does not make me any less genderqueer. In fact, it gives me insight into two lived experiences at once. That duality can be confusing and stressful, but it can also be incredibly enlightening and, I feel, makes for a complex and richly lived life.

As someone who is both AFAB and uses the term “lesbian”, I see a problem with others in my communities and the way we approach NB/GQ people. Let’s stop treating AFAB people outside of the binary like traitors. AFAB people notoriously take up too much space within trans/NB/GQ spaces. Our visibility is more accessible and our blatant discrimination less vicious than our trans sisters. I urge us within the community and cis women alike to appreciate that privilege (and to also push back against it, but that’s another blog post). I say appreciate, because with the safety afforded us we should not be shaming the people in our community against coming out. Ever notice that these sentiments are only ever coming from cis women? Cis men don’t typically feel betrayed by trans women or trans feminine people. And they aren’t known for being the first people to rally around them and offer them support. Perhaps some of the energy being spent on shaming or discouraging or invalidating AFAB nonbinary/genderqueer people could be redirected into support and visibility and safe places for trans women and trans feminine people. 

If a nonbinary/genderqueer identity is not for you…that’s cool. No one wants you to use words for yourself that you don’t find helpful. What this boils down to is: there is no good to be done by going out of your way to defend your cis-ness. I suggest you recognize the privilege you have by not having to live with the added pressure that can come with a non-cis identity. I especially suggest that you, in turn, offer more support to the trans/nonbinary/genderqueer people around you. 

Why I'm Genderqueer, Professional and Unafraid

(Source: projectqueer, via lifeoutsidethebinary)


REFUGE restrooms is now live on the web at http://www.refugerestrooms.org. It is viewable on any browser.

REFUGE seeks to provide safe bathroom access for transgender, intersex, and other gender nonconformist individuals. A few months back the valuable safe2pee database stopped working. We present Refuge as a replacement. Starting with the existing database of listings from Safe2Pee, refuge makes the database easily searchable and mappable to allow folks to find the nearest safe restroom.

This is very much in its alpha stage and had a lot of growing to do. I started learning how to code not that long ago so I’m still learning how I can make the app better and better. The app is open source so please contribute to the project on github @
stay tuned both here and on twitter @refugerestrooms.

(via lifeoutsidethebinary)


I was pleasantly delighted by this. First page here, with some other stuff going on between the others.

For those who need context: El Goonish Shive, often known less confusingly as EGS (there’s an explanation for the title, but it doesn’t help much) can be alternately described as the most perverted G-rated webcomic in existence, or the most innocent and pure fetish/kink comic ever drawn. Furries, transformation, gender switching, breast expansion, growth, shrinking, muscle growth, and a whole heaping pile of other things normally only found on specific message boards and the parts of DA you don’t like to think about… but the comic itself barely even pings the fanservice meter. The stories are focused on the teenage cast’s interactions with each other and the strange things in their world.

One of the strange things is the transformation gun developed by Tedd, up there. Tedd started out as a small, stereotypically nerdy and dirty-minded young man who gleefully used that tech for kicks. He was like so many guys i’ve seen online in kink-related circles and communities in terms of how he talked about it. But, the comic has grown over the years, and so has Tedd. We found out that a lot of the way he presented himself had to do with fears of being seen as feminine, and he came to terms with that and supported friends with their own gender and sexuality-related concerns, arguing against sexist school uniform policies, and—most recently—proudly presenting himself without the super-obscuring glasses that had previously concealed the “feminine” facial features that used to get him bullied.

In the current arc (a pastiche/parody of a Magic the Gathering tournament), some background characters mistook his gender identity, and he was very confused about the way they treated him. His second match in the tourney led to the interaction at the beginning of the first page I’ve included here.

EGS was already pretty great as far as representation. There’s a prominent lesbian relationship, a gay male character (who evidence suggests may soon be getting a super-cute boyfriend), and lots of flexibility with gender identity. Tedd’s shapeshifting girlfriend Grace has a vague sexuality that has been at times called “Teddsexual”, being interested in him regardless of how he’s transformed himself. The early art is pretty poor (nearly completely unrecognizable as being the same creator as the current pages), but I would definitely say it is worth getting through to the present.

And, now… now I guess we’re going to probably start using different pronouns for Tedd.

(via lifeoutsidethebinary)


Trans women featured in a celebratory space in Marie Claire magazine.
They applaud Redefining Realness’ bestsellers status as well as feats accomplished by Carmen Carrera, Laverne Cox and Laura Jane Grace. 
#girlslikeus Takeover!


Trans women featured in a celebratory space in Marie Claire magazine.

They applaud Redefining Realness’ bestsellers status as well as feats accomplished by Carmen Carrera, Laverne Cox and Laura Jane Grace. 

#girlslikeus Takeover!

(via thirdpersonnarrator)



Everything you wanted to know about transgender people but were afraid to ask.

some people use “it” pronouns like obviously out of that context it is wildly offensive but its worth recognizing

(via livelifetipsy)

The Tucking Masterpost (Please signal boost!)(TW for discussion and some images of genitals)



Hi! Are you a CAMAB transfeminine person who’s sick of only ever seeing resources for CAFAB trans people on your dash? Are you just coming out to yourself and struggling with Peak Dysphoria? Are you a CAFAB trans person who wants to support the people above? Then here’s a post for you!

This is a post about tucking!

Read More

(via lifeoutsidethebinary)



I opened a secret Facebook group dedicated to finding a third pronoun in Hebrew that will serve people who don’t feel comfortable with man and/or woman pronouns. This task is extra hard in hebrew because all verbs are either in man or woman form so I want as many hebrew speakers who could use this (either combined with other pronouns or on its own) to contact me and join this group

thank you very much

(via lgbtlaughs)




Portraits of homeless LGBT youth may help them find “forever families”

A New York City gallery has turned its cameras toward LGBTQ youth in the hopes it will help them finally find loving homes.

Heart Gallery NYC, a traveling exhibition of professional pictures taken by award-winning photographers of children in foster care looking for “forever families,” has set up in shop in Times Square, spotlighting LGBTQ young adults. The exhibition, which is the first of its kind, coincides with National Pride Month and will culminate at New York’s Pridefest on June 29.

Read more | Follow policymic

brb crying 


(Source: micdotcom, via theunicornkittenkween)